What Happens When I Let Go

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"when I let go of expecations of where I should be, sometimes I'm delighted to find myself where I am."

We put so much pressure on ourselves to be in the right place at the right time. To be exactly where we think we should be, right now. Whether it’s a physical place or a place in our recovery, we are full of “shoulds.” I’m working on letting go of my expectations of where I “should be,” physically, mentally and emotionally. Don’t get me wrong, not all moments are delightful. Many are a real struggle. And I have memories of moments I don’t care to relive, nor would I wish them on anyone. But sometimes, when I let go, I come to an awareness in the present moment that even though it’s not perfect, I’m perfectly content. And those moments are the moments I live for.

Wishing you well,

Jenna ❄️🌟😊

P.S. This is my first post in a couple weeks. Between work and the holidays, things have been really busy. I’ve definitely missed writing and connecting with everyone. I’m making an effort to clear space in my schedule to keep up with the writing and blogging 🌟💙

P.P.S. Follow me on Instagram @wishingwellblogger 🙂

 

Guest Post: Working Against Yourself

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Have you ever felt like you can’t get out of your own way? I know I have. Luckily my friend Sharon at Curious Queendom has generously shared her wisdom about tackling this feeling. This moving post is one I know I’ll reread again and again. Sharon is a delight in the blogging community. Her witty words of wisdom are renowned throughout her Queendom! Read on, cyberspace traveler.


In Sharon’s Words…

There were times in life when I felt that each morning I started my day by walking into the bathroom with a gun aimed at my reflection. I’d pull the trigger, and my reflection would break into a million pieces, each piece containing a little reflection of me. They would cover the ground until I swept it away.

It was dramatic as I’m sure you can see, and I didn’t even mention the soundtrack: nothing but the violin… that plays itself… no one to love it.

It’s not as if the image in the mirror was the problem. Even when I was far from
confident, I was a little vain.

My soul (which is located somewhere behind my eyes) was the problem. She stared
back at me with such longing and desires to actualize. She reminded me of all the things I wanted for myself and was insufferably cheesy. She would take to saying things like, “But we can do anything we put our minds to,” and “You’re special; you really are.”

“Shut up. Just STFU,” I would say. I was kinda abusive to my soul back then. I don’t think I would ever treat anyone else the way I treated her.

I wanted to believe her, but I think our souls are immune to the pressures of society. She could never understand what it felt like to fail and have everyone watching.

Despite the way I treated my soul, I desperately wanted to feel comfortable in my skin. So I made a bargain with myself: I would earn the right to be myself by building up a strong foundation on people pleasing. If people liked me enough, I could do whatever I wanted without worry of retribution.

Needless to say, I was wrong about that.

Did you know that there are people out there who are unapologetically themselves, all the time, REGARDLESS OF WHAT PEOPLE THINK? I wanted that. I needed that.

So I decided to confront the girl in the mirror. And of course, she had her arms wide open to receive me, a welcoming smile on her face, her stupid smiling face. It was the smile that broke me down in the end. As I cried and thrashed about, she held me.

She showed me how I’d been working against myself for so long. She taught that I
had the ultimate say in the course of my life and that I would never achieve anything as long as I was in my own way.

You get in your own way when…

1. You have goals but find yourself doing everything but tackling them.
2. You beat yourself up.
3. You think negatively about yourself.

None of those things will serve you. All of those things will obscure your path.

I can confidently say that today I’m a more comfortable in my skin than I’ve ever been, and it’s all thanks to a few soul lessons.

1. Find yourself. If you’re getting in your own way, it’s probably because you don’t know who you are, or you forgot somewhere along the way. The confident you is buried under all that insecurity. Start looking at your insecurities as something separate from you because guess what: insecurities are separate from you. They are something you possess not who you are.

2. Treat yourself with respect. It’s pretty sad how badly we treat ourselves. Yes, it’s good to be honest with yourself, but you shouldn’t beat yourself until you’re paralyzed. And beating yourself up is paralyzing. It scares you into never wanting to feel such shame again.

3. Be present. Looking too far ahead can also be paralyzing. You see the
destination as so far ahead of you that you wonder if it’s worth the effort of
trying. I know that this is hard to understand, but you CAN NOT predict the
future. I’m sorry to break it to you. All you can do is live in this moment. You
neither exist in the past nor the future. You are now. You can only exist in the
present.

4. Realize that you’re untouchable. You have complete say of what you allow
into your system. You control the way everything impacts you. When you are
feeling ashamed, it’s not because someone is making you feel ashamed. It’s
because you are making yourself feel that way.

5. Don’t quit, cuz this process is not for the weak at heart. You have to be willing to get it wrong sometimes and still get back up to try again. Because you’re gonna get it wrong… A LOT. Accept it and get back up.

Lastly, don’t forget, you can do anything that you put your mind to, and you’re
special; you really are.


This post was written by Sharon Yvonne at www.curiousqueendom.com. When asked, she says, “I’m a writer/ space queen infiltrating the Earthlings in hopes of establishing diplomatic relations.”

For more space adventures you can find her at..

Twitter: https://twitter.com/QInquisition

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CuriousQueendom/

Bloglovin’: https://www.bloglovin.com/blogs/curious-queendom-14773683

Google +: https://plus.google.com/u/0/+SharonYvonne/posts


If you are interested in guest posting on The Wishing Well, leave me a comment and we’ll touch base. I can’t promise I’ll take every submission, but I am dedicated to sharing stories with honesty, humor and heart.♥︎


Image Credit: black-and-white-hands by Pexels, CC0 Public Domain

Chelsie Dyed Her Hair Purple, and Here’s What Happened

The second Chelsie from You, Me and Emetophobia told me she had purple hair, I wanted to hear the story. Thus this guest post was born. Dying your hair a radical color requires courage and the dedication to live a bold, colorful life. It requires the courage to be true to yourself no matter what other people say or think. And that, my friends, is what recovering from mental illness is all about.

Here’s the story, in Chelsie’s words:


2016 was my year to break boundaries. I wanted to do things I had never done before, accomplish goals I had been saying for years but never finished. I wanted to make a bold statement, tell the world that this year I was going to be unstoppable.

So you know what I did? I dyed my hair purple. Yup, purple. Bright, neon, indigo purple with hot pink underlights.

For those who know me, I don’t think the purple would come as a surprise. I’m a pretty loud, happy person, so obviously deciding to dye my hair my favorite color made sense. But I think it came as a shock to me. Even though I’m a happy, outgoing person, I’m actually also pretty shy.

Drawing attention to myself makes me uncomfortable, so why in the world would I decide to do something like this? Well, instead of just telling you, let’s recap the important moments leading up and following this life changing decision:

Three Months Prior To Dye Day

I was casually browsing hair colors on Google when I decided to get daring: “purple hair.” Woah, I know, you’re probably thinking slow down there crazy lady, but hang with me.

So I mention to my husband that I’d love to do purple hair at some point, because I’ve never seen someone with purple hair (or any bold color for that matter) who isn’t super confident and radiant and wonderful. At this point, the strangest thing I’d ever done with my hair was dye it a kool-aid red at a pity party in high school. It was dreadful, my mom was pissed…You know, the whole nine yards.

When I looked at my husband and mentioned it might be cool to do that he replied: “Sure why not? I bet it’d look nice.”

Challenge accepted.

Dye Day

I walked into the salon, excited and nervous. I had pictures ready to show my stylist, and we went to work. We bleached my hair out to this disgusting yellow blonde, then went on with the color. I told my stylist I wanted it to be a surprise.

Inside, throughout the entire process I was screaming a variety of things…

WHAT IF I DON’T LIKE IT?! WHAT IF IT TURNS OUT BRIGHTER THAN I WANTED?! WHAT IF MY HUSBAND DOESN’T LIKE IT?! WHAT IF I LOSE MY JOB?! OR WORSE, I CAN NEVER GET ANOTHER JOB?! WHAT AM I DOING, WHY DID I DO THIS?!

Then, the reveal. Boom. There it was, in all it’s glory. This brightly colored new me staring at back in the mirror. I was flooded with compliments from other stylists, and I was in shock. Who was that person staring at me in the mirror? Was it really me? I guess it is. Holy crap, I look fabulous #purplehairdon’tcare

Day One with Purple Hair

girl with purple hair in hat

I was self conscious. So self conscious. I wanted to wear a hat, I would sneak into the office building where I worked, hoping not to draw attention to myself (hah – yeah right!), and I would just hold myself less confidently.

Occasionally someone would say, “Oh my gosh, I love your hair!” And that would help. I would, for a moment, be like yes, this was the right decisions. I started questioning why I did it, seeing how my social anxiety was through the roof. I felt like everyone and their grandma was staring at me for the wrong reasons, and I felt like the comments of “wow, you dyed your hair! It’s interesting!” Was actually “wow, look at your hair, it’s horrible. Why would you do that?”

Day Three with Purple Hair

The new person in the mirror is still startling me. I forget that the person who shows up is actually me, despite it looking like a completely different person. My confidence has gone up, despite my constant doubting in the form of questions: “Are you sure you like it? Why don’t other people seem to like it? Do you think I made the right choice? Should it be less bright? What if…”

Ah, anxiety at it’s finest.

I was battling with not being entirely confident in the hair color still, the general anxiety of thinking people were always saying something negative about me, and the quizzical stares of my peers as I explained my hair choice.

Day Fifteen with Purple Hair

I don’t know when it happened but I got comfortable with it. I stopped caring if other people were staring, because chances are they were maybe seeing me like I saw all colorful beings prior to this. I was hoping they saw me as confident, bold and unique. I hope that they saw me and realized that they could do it too. Now that is a good feeling.

Today with Purple Hair

indigo and violet hair

I honestly think I’ve got a problem now. A hair dye addiction if you will. I’ve decided that the next time I dye my hair I’m getting rainbow underlights. Besides purple, my favorite color is rainbow. Yes, it’s a color. Besides all of that, I’m confident and I usually forget my hair is purple.

My social anxiety about having a bold color has subsided. Which I guess is in part to the fact that about a month ago I went from Indigo to Violet, and I feel less like a fluorescent sign and a little more like a regal queen.

My decision to dye my hair, while spontaneous, was also something I dwelled on for months. I knew I wanted to do it, but I was being held back by what ifs and I knew this year I wasn’t going to let what if’s hold me back. Heck, my husband and I had just committed to a cross country move for a job that was riddled with what ifs and I took that head on. So why should I let something as simple as hair color (that could always be changed again, mind you) be the door stopper to my “What if?” free year.

Basically, what I’m trying to say is this: if you always let the what if’s stop you, you will never know what could have been. And to me, I’d rather have done it and realized it wasn’t a good idea than to live with wondering what could have been.

Also, if you’re like me and you’ve never done anything crazy with your style before give it a week or two before you decide you don’t like it. Chances are you’ll probably be uncomfortable and unsure, since it’s so new and so different, but if by the end of two weeks you still aren’t feeling it, go back and change it. At least you tried it!

So that, my friends, was the epic saga of dying my hair, abridged for your reading pleasure. Go forth this year, make a change, do something you’ve always wanted too, and be proud of who you are.

girl with purple hair on bicycle


 

Go Chelsie!! Check out her other guest posts on my blog here:

A Journey Through Self Harm

My Introduction to Emetophobia

If you would like to email Chelsie, you can send any questions, concerns, comments or suggestions to contact@youmeandemetophobia.com. She says, “I will do my best to respond to you within 48 hours, but if for some reason I cannot get back to you in that time frame, I promise I will always respond as soon as possible. Also, feel free to join our Emetophobia Support Group on Facebook. It is a closed, by request only group to help facilitate sharing and support by all members. It is also private, meaning that the posts you and others make will not show up publicly in your newsfeed.”

If you are interested in guest posting on The Wishing Well, leave me a comment and we’ll touch base. I can’t promise I’ll take every submission, but I am dedicated to sharing stories of recovering from mental illness with honesty, humor and heart.♥︎

Reblogged: That Awesome Time I Ran Out Crying

FINALLY sharing a post by my friend Sharon Yvonne at Curious Queendom. This epic post is just what you need to hear if you’ve ever made a mistake in your life. Oops, guess what, that’s all of us! Sharon Yvonne is strong and she’s got it goin’ on so check out her blog.

Curious Queendom

When I was a kid, well teenager, actually like 2-years ago, I was a serial hider of mistakes/imperfections. You may think that I’m talking about big mistakes, but no, the mistakes were silly, like a-hole-in-my-sock silly. The idea of someone being behind me when I tripped could send me looking over my shoulder every few seconds and scanning the ground for all those devious cracks and rocks.

Needless to say, big mistakes and glaring imperfections could break me down completely. I remember, about 3 years ago, I was having the second-to-worst week of my life (yes, I can definitively say that). I was going through a lot. I was lost in my own head 90% of the time. I remember getting lost during conversations and having to guess what my appropriate response should be when the conversation had obviously paused for my input.

Anyway, during this week, there was class…

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Reblogged: That “Thing”…

Mighty powerful message from my friend M_McKeen at In Silence We Suffer, all in a neat 181 words!

In Silence We Suffer

You know that “thing” you really want to do?

That dream that brings you a moment of joy every time you think about it, but you’re scared of what will happen if you commit to it.

That person you really want to talk to, but you keep putting it off, as you’re worried they’re too busy to talk to you.

That love that you need to express, but you fear that if you did, things would never be the same again.

My advice would be to give it a go. Regret is a horrible thing.

Everyday thousands upon thousands of people all over the world wake up for the last time. Many of whom did not realise. We all have plans for the future. We all think about what our lives will be like when we’re 30, 50 or 80 years of age, but many of us don’t get to…

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