Have you ever felt like you can’t get out of your own way? I know I have. Luckily my friend Sharon at Curious Queendom has generously shared her wisdom about tackling this feeling. This moving post is one I know I’ll reread again and again. Sharon is a delight in the blogging community. Her witty words of wisdom are renowned throughout her Queendom! Read on, cyberspace traveler.
In Sharon’s Words…
There were times in life when I felt that each morning I started my day by walking into the bathroom with a gun aimed at my reflection. I’d pull the trigger, and my reflection would break into a million pieces, each piece containing a little reflection of me. They would cover the ground until I swept it away.
It was dramatic as I’m sure you can see, and I didn’t even mention the soundtrack: nothing but the violin… that plays itself… no one to love it.
It’s not as if the image in the mirror was the problem. Even when I was far from
confident, I was a little vain.
My soul (which is located somewhere behind my eyes) was the problem. She stared
back at me with such longing and desires to actualize. She reminded me of all the things I wanted for myself and was insufferably cheesy. She would take to saying things like, “But we can do anything we put our minds to,” and “You’re special; you really are.”
“Shut up. Just STFU,” I would say. I was kinda abusive to my soul back then. I don’t think I would ever treat anyone else the way I treated her.
I wanted to believe her, but I think our souls are immune to the pressures of society. She could never understand what it felt like to fail and have everyone watching.
Despite the way I treated my soul, I desperately wanted to feel comfortable in my skin. So I made a bargain with myself: I would earn the right to be myself by building up a strong foundation on people pleasing. If people liked me enough, I could do whatever I wanted without worry of retribution.
Needless to say, I was wrong about that.
Did you know that there are people out there who are unapologetically themselves, all the time, REGARDLESS OF WHAT PEOPLE THINK? I wanted that. I needed that.
So I decided to confront the girl in the mirror. And of course, she had her arms wide open to receive me, a welcoming smile on her face, her stupid smiling face. It was the smile that broke me down in the end. As I cried and thrashed about, she held me.
She showed me how I’d been working against myself for so long. She taught that I
had the ultimate say in the course of my life and that I would never achieve anything as long as I was in my own way.
You get in your own way when…
1. You have goals but find yourself doing everything but tackling them.
2. You beat yourself up.
3. You think negatively about yourself.
None of those things will serve you. All of those things will obscure your path.
I can confidently say that today I’m a more comfortable in my skin than I’ve ever been, and it’s all thanks to a few soul lessons.
1. Find yourself. If you’re getting in your own way, it’s probably because you don’t know who you are, or you forgot somewhere along the way. The confident you is buried under all that insecurity. Start looking at your insecurities as something separate from you because guess what: insecurities are separate from you. They are something you possess not who you are.
2. Treat yourself with respect. It’s pretty sad how badly we treat ourselves. Yes, it’s good to be honest with yourself, but you shouldn’t beat yourself until you’re paralyzed. And beating yourself up is paralyzing. It scares you into never wanting to feel such shame again.
3. Be present. Looking too far ahead can also be paralyzing. You see the
destination as so far ahead of you that you wonder if it’s worth the effort of
trying. I know that this is hard to understand, but you CAN NOT predict the
future. I’m sorry to break it to you. All you can do is live in this moment. You
neither exist in the past nor the future. You are now. You can only exist in the
4. Realize that you’re untouchable. You have complete say of what you allow
into your system. You control the way everything impacts you. When you are
feeling ashamed, it’s not because someone is making you feel ashamed. It’s
because you are making yourself feel that way.
5. Don’t quit, cuz this process is not for the weak at heart. You have to be willing to get it wrong sometimes and still get back up to try again. Because you’re gonna get it wrong… A LOT. Accept it and get back up.
Lastly, don’t forget, you can do anything that you put your mind to, and you’re
special; you really are.
This post was written by Sharon Yvonne at www.curiousqueendom.com. When asked, she says, “I’m a writer/ space queen infiltrating the Earthlings in hopes of establishing diplomatic relations.”
For more space adventures you can find her at..
If you are interested in guest posting on The Wishing Well, leave me a comment and we’ll touch base. I can’t promise I’ll take every submission, but I am dedicated to sharing stories with honesty, humor and heart.♥︎